


When We Were Young

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 11:30:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9438260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: Imagine Thorin recognizing you as his ‘One’ in his blacksmith days but not pursuing you until after the BOTFA because he finally feels deserving of you now that he’s the King of Erebor.





	

The sun was low in the sky, lending an ember glow to the blades of grass below which grew paler and scanter with each turn of the cart’s wheels. Deidra held the leather reins attached to the fatigued mule, her sister, Lila, asleep against her arm as she watched the dark giants nearing in the distance. The rocking of the cart nearly lulled her into slumber herself but she was determined to reach The Mountain before she retired for the night. It would be a waste to set up camp for the night only to ride an hour the next morning to their destination.

The two dwarrows had waited as long as any to return to Erebor and now with her home within site, Deidra became ever more awake as the reality set in. They were truly going home. She had dreamed of the moment a dozen times over but nothing compared with the joy blooming in her chest at that very second. She was tempted to elbow Lila awake but reminded herself that her sister had driven for most of the day. Instead, she smiled for the first time in a long time and focused on the rising stone before her.

The moon was only just appearing in the sky as the mule began its ascent up the slope which led to the Mountain. Its hefty hooves held firmly to the dust and Deidra let him drag the cart slowly to the top, afraid to push the creature beyond its limit. Before the cart appeared a dark doorway in the side of The Mountain and an armoured sentinel stood silent with axe in hand.

“Who goes there?” He asked in a rocky voice.

“Deidra and Lila of Ered Luin, formerly of Erebor, to which we now, at last, return,” She answered breathily as she climbed down from the cart, “Our home.”

“Dwarrows?” The guard questioned as he took a low-burning torch which was planted in the ground, “As ever, we are lacking for such pleasant faces.”

“Surely, we must not be the only ones,” Deidra let him examine her in the firelight.

“Of course not but for every ten dwarves we get maybe one dwarrow, as it was in the Blue Mountains,” He explained and she bowed her head in thought, turning back to the cart, “Let me wake my sister and we would ask entrance to the Mountain.”

“I could never turn away a pair of dwarrows. I would be the fool of the Mountain,” He replied as he neared the cart and unloaded the single chest in the back; the only possession aside from bedrolls and the small sack of foodstuffs which had quickly been exhausted upon the journey.

“Thank you,” Deidra said over her shoulder as she climbed back onto the cart bench and gently touched her sister’s shoulder, “Lila, Lila. You must wake, we have arrived.”

“Huh,” Her sister’s cornflower blue eyes caught the silver moonlight as the opened sharply and she sat up with a jolt, “Oh, sister!” Her hand went to her mouth as she looked up at the Mountain, “It is…lovely.”

“Please, Lila, there will be much time on the morrow for such adoration,” Deidra yawned and stepped back down from the cart, “Let us find a place to sleep for the night and figure the rest out then.”

“My ladies,” The guard interjected, “You will have chambers this night,” The dwarf vowed with hand on his chest, “If you would follow me.”

“Thank you,” Deidra could not help another smile and took a handle of the chest, “Lila grab the other and lets be off.”

“I could–” The guard began but was silenced by Deidra’s raised hand.

“You have done enough,” She assured him, “Me and my sister are more than capable of carrying our own trunk.”

“Very well,” He nodded and gestured them forward as he turned to lead them through the door into the dark corridor.

They walked along, balancing the trunk at an awkward angle in the narrow hallway as they followed the single mailed dwarf. He hummed as he guided them onward until he stopped short before a door and knocked, the sound like thunder in the silence of The Mountain. The two sisters nearly stumbled as they scrambled to halt and the door was pulled open with a low creak.

“Hello,” A soft voice greeted in the dark and a white-bearded dwarf stepped out and looked from the guard to the two dwarrows, “Oh, are these new arrivals, Boris?”

“Yes, Balin, just got here,” He informed the man in a deferring tone, “I didn’t want them sleeping in the hall and I thought you’d have my hide if they did.”

“You were right,” The elder dwarf, Balin, touched the man’s shoulder daintily, “I shall find them chambers, don’t you worry.”

The guard retreated with a final bow to the new arrivals and marched back down the corridor to resume his watch. Deidra recognized the whitebeard from Ered Luin though she had not lived in the Blue Mountains for some time and had not been there when the king had taken his company off to reclaim their true home. She almost regretted leaving all those years ago and not being there when the ranks had been gathered for the journey to Erebor.

“Lila,” Balin recognized the golden-haired sister but not the other, “I was wondering if you would join us.”

“I was delayed,” She answered as she took the man’s hand and greeted him with a kiss on his aged cheek, “I had to find my sister first.”

“Sister?” He looked to Deidra curiously but did not seem to know her, “I don’t recall a sister.”

“Deidra’s a bit of a drifter,” Lili jibed and nudged her sister, “But it’s why I asked her to see me to the Mountain.”

“Any blood of the Mountain is welcome,” Balin glanced at Diedra once more and smiled, “If I may show you to your chambers.”

“Thank you,” Deidra replied and followed him forward as he began down the corridor. 

She felt all the happiness drain from her and turn to ash and doubt.  
There were many twists and turns to their path but at last they were halted before a large stone carved door, this one with the runes of their family. Balin admired the stonework before turning back to the sisters who dropped their trunk heavily.

“We have tried to keep things orderly, to return to all their birthrights,” He explained in a sonorous tone, “I remember your father, Lila. Your mother, too. This is your inheritance. Both of you.”

“Thank you, Balin,” Lila smiled and Deidra stood awkwardly staring at the door, her thoughts sullen as she remembered her parents, “Truly. But I think it best we retire before long. We’ve had a long journey.”

“Of course,” Balin’s eyes lingered on Deidra and she could feel his gaze trying to penetrate her, “You two have a good night and I shall return in the morning to make sure you get your bearings.”

With that, Balin set a key in Lila’s hand and retreated back down the corridor with light footsteps. Deidra frowned and took the key from her sister and shoved it into the iron lock, pushing inward. She turned and dragged the trunk inside and ushered her sister within, directing her to find a lantern. 

Lila took the flint from her cloak pocket and by touch alone, she lit the lamp ensconced in the wall just beside the door. The light was dull but enough for the two of them to explore the set of chambers. The one which they stood within was a receiving chamber; sofas, chairs, tables, a hearth, bookshelves. Deidra recalled this room from when she was a child but Lila had no such recollections; she had not even been born then.

There were two rooms; one to the left and one to the right. One had been their parents’ chamber and the other the nursery. Deidra sighed and made a full circle before turning back to her sister who suddenly looked a lost deer in the lamplight.

“Well,” Deidra broke the stillness of the silence, “Would you like our parents’ room or the nursery?”

“Oh, Dei, I cannot sleep in our parents’ bed,” She exclaimed with a flutter, “It would be too much.”

“As you will,” Deidra agreed and took the flint from her sister, lighting the heavy lantern upon a round table, “I’ll light the hearth and you can take the lamp from the wall and have a look at your chamber. It’s the one to the right.”

Deidra listened to her sister’s footsteps fade away with the light of the lamp and she took one of the few logs stacked beside the fireplace and set it within. Glancing around she figured the chamber had been cleaned up by whoever had taken on the hefty task of restoring what the dragon had destroyed. Even though it had been neatened, there were markings left by Smaug but one would never know if they had never seen the chamber before.

With the spark of the lantern, Deidra lit the kindling beneath the log and watched as slowly it began to crackle and burn. She stood with the lantern in hand and neared what had been her childhood nursery. She looked through the doorway to where Lila sat on the edge of a large bed and she nearly choked on her own tongue. There was nothing left of what had been in that room. No toys, no trinket, no flowers. Only a large bed and various pieces of mismatched furniture remained.

“Deidra, will you sleep in here with me?” Lila asked, “Just for tonight?”

“If you want me to,” The older sister entered with deliberate steps, looking for any trace of the life she could barely recall, “I think it would be best so we could sort things out in the morning.”

“Do you remember?” Lila wondered innocently, “Any of it?”

“I do,” Deidra set down her lantern on the small vanity in the corner, sitting down before it, “Are you alright, Lila?”

“I am,” She smiled, her cheeks rosy and eyes glossy with fatigue, “I can’t explain it. I’ve never been here before but I feel already like I know it.”

 _You don’t know it_ , Deidra thought but did not say so. She merely turned to vanity mirror and pushed the lantern closer to glass, “Well, it is your home, Lila. It is _our_ home,” Deidra pushed back the stray hairs from her forehead, “You’ll have lots of time to explore it in the morning. You’re tired. Go to sleep.”

“I know,” Lila yawned and laid her head on the pillow as she pulled her legs up onto the mattress, “But so are you.”

“I am,” Deidra assured, “I’ll lay down in a moment. I just want to rebraid my hair.”  
Lila hummed but said nothing as she rolled over and pushed her way under the blanket. Deidra leaned closer to the mirror, the light catching the wrinkles which had formed in the last years, and the little strands of grey appearing along her dark hairline. She had wasted so much time and felt as though she had come back to the Mountain to await her death. 

She was not very old but Lila was young enough that she made her feel so. Returning to Erebor made her feel even more aged and the crow’s feet around her eyes formed a pit in her stomach. She was no longer so happy to be home; _had she not given up that dream when she left Ered Luin?_ Recalling her time in the Blue Mountains made her cringe and she dreaded meeting those she had known then, knowing that she surely would on the morrow.

* * *

Balin returned as he said he would but it gave Deidra little time to prepare herself for a long day of memories and anxiety. Upon awaking, she had found Lila reading an old book before the hearth which she must have fed with another log. As her sister began to babble at her, she tiptoed to the other chamber and looked in nervously, her lantern held high before her. The Mountain had no natural light, not these parts anyhow, and she felt as tired as she had the night before.

Her parents’ bed still stood center piece to the room, its four posters hung with a heavy woven canopy and nearly everything in the place it had been left. Deidra did not notice that Lila had quit talking until she appeared beside her, peeking over her shoulder to the abandoned chamber.

“I don’t think Smaug touched this at all,” Deidra said as she began to back out of the room, “But let’s not worry about it right now.”

“Wait,” Lila pushed past her and Deidra stepped forward once more, watching her sister as she neared the closet, pulling it open, “Oh, look!” She pulled out a dress and sniffed it, “They must have cleaned these too.”

“Lila,” Deidra warned as she eyed the gown despairingly.

“I know they were mother’s but they’re ours now and we haven’t any nice dresses.”

“You wear them if you must,” Deidra set the lantern down on the dresser and turned away, leaving her sister alone.

It was shortly after that when Balin knocked on their door and Lila answered it in one of their mother’s dresses; a dark red one with curlicue embroidery on the skirt. Deidra opted for her a long grey tunic and black leggings, belted with plain leather and knee-high boots. After working for so long as a smith, it was hard to dress as anything but. She wondered if she would be allowed to work the Forge, not that it was very unusual for dwarrows to do so.

Deidra followed Balin and Lila down the corridor, opting to stay back a few steps as she admired the runes along the walls. She had been so excited to return home, feeling as though she was honouring the legacy of her blood but now she felt so displaced. Lila could have been the one; she always was the favourite. Oh, how she dreaded old faces.

“Deidra!” The voice rang along a side corridor as they passed and all three dwarves turned to see a dark-haired dwarrow break into a sprint, “Oh, darling. I knew you’d show up sooner or later.”

“Dis,” Deidra nearly whispered in her distraught, hiding it with a fake smile, “It’s so nice to see you.”

“Oh, don’t you lie to me, you always were utterly dolorous,” She held Deidra at arm’s length with an appraising look, “And Lila! When did you arrive?”

“With Deidra last night,” She answered as if it should have been obvious, “We’re sisters.”

“Sisters?” Dis looked from one to the other; their resemblance not so plain, “I never…you never told me you had a sister, Deidra.”

“There’s quite an age difference and…you must have met my parents, they weren’t very social,” Deidra looked to Lila with a strained grimace, “They didn’t move to Ered Luin until after I left and…they would go wherever Lila was. She was always their baby.”

“Oh, but the youngest always is,” Dis chimed in her motherly way, “Come on, let me show you around.”

“Ahem,” Balin cleared his throat, “I was doing just that.”

“Of course, Balin,” Dis shook her head at herself, “Then let me accompany you. Where are we off to then?”

“The throne room, the king must receive all new arrivals,” Balin announced as he turned back to his original path and Lila hooked her arm through his as if he were her grandfather as Dis walked beside Deidra.

“Thorin will be glad to see you,” Dis whispered and Deidra swallowed, keeping her eyes forward.

“Mmhmm,” Deidra tried not to seem as nervous as she felt; it had been so long, she should not have felt so unsettled, “If he remembers me.”

“How could he forget? You don’t smith with someone and forget them,” Dis said as if she were akin to a forge, “Well, from what I’ve heard.”

“I suppose,” Deidra continued on in silence and tried not to think of those days; of how she had felt then.

The large archway which led to the throne room rose before them and Lila gasped in awe as they passed through into the restored chamber. The throne stood tall and from the distance, Deidra could see the king in his chair with a crown upon his head. She slouched down as much as she could behind Lila as they walked the wide bridge towards the open face of the Mountain. Nearing the throne, the dwarves stopped and Dis reached over to squeeze Deidra’s hand, receiving a scowl in return.

“These are the new arrivals?” Thorin’s deep voice froze Deidra in place but Lila’s flowery tone saved her.

“Your majesty,” The golden-haired dwarrow bowed her hair, “It is so lovely to see you again.”

“Lila, is it?” Thorin stood and climbed down the steps of his throne, Deidra trying to stay concealed in the background, “My nephews will be pleased to see you again.”

“Really?” She nearly sang in return, “Oh, I cannot believe they are princes now.”  
“Me either,” Thorin sounded in fine spirits and bowed to Lila courteously before stepping around her.

As he did, Deidra braced herself, though she did not think he would even recall her. _If he did, what ever would he think of the old dwarrow before him now?_

“I was told there were two–” Thorin stopped short as he saw Deidra, his face draining of all colour, “Deidra?”

“Thorin,” Deidra feigned confidence and bowed to the king formally, “Your majesty.”

“I…” He looked to his sister who preened with smugness, “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I came for my sister,” She said evenly, “I am all Lila has left.”

“Sister?” He was a surprised as Dis had been, “Oh. Of course.” His blue eyes narrowed on her but he stopped himself from stepping nearer, “Welcome home.”

Deidra nodded and remained silent, waiting for the awkwardness to be over. Thorin looked little older than he had the last time she had seen him. He had a few greys and some new wrinkles but nothing compared to her own. His eyes shone as brightly as they ever had and his stoic figure stood as proud as they day they had met. She must have looked a pauper to him.

“Well, then,” Thorin looked to Balin as he turned back, “I am sure Balin has much to show you yet. I shall see you again at the feast tonight.”

“You will,” Lila answered pleasantly and kept Deidra from betraying her malcontent, “Your majesty.”

“Alright, Lila, Deidra,” Balin turned the younger sister around and Dis took Diedra’s arm, “I’ll show you the great hall so you know where to go tonight.”

* * *

Thorin watched Balin lead the dwarrows away, trying to catch the breath which felt trapped in his chest. He had never expected to see her again. Long ago he had accepted the grim nature of fate. He turned away as they disappeared beyond the archway and avoided the steps of his throne. He had no desire to sit upon the damned stone chair. As he passed by the ancient relic, he tore the crown off his head and set off down the walkway towards the door just beyond the eastern door.

He stepped into his solar with a growl and dropped his crown on the seat of a chair before rounding his desk to sit down heavily. The blood in his veins had turned to ice and he felt as if he had once more been impaled by cold steel. He planted his elbows on the ebony surface of his desk and cradled his head in his hands, is hair hanging around him in a dark curtain. He remained thus until he heard the click of his door opening and he knew only one person was so bold as to enter without knocking.

“Brother,” Dis looked down on him as he sat up straight, throwing back his hair, “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” He grumbled and took a piece of parchment from his desk, pretending to read it, “I am king. I have work to do.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” She took his crown from the cushion of the chair he had dropped it in and sat down, admiring the gold and black circlet, “I thought you’d be happier to see Deidra.”

“I am,” He said stiffly and threw down the parchment, unable to decipher the words through his distress, “What is it to you?”

“Thorin,” She sounded every day more like their mother had, “You two forged together. You drank together. You were nearly as close with her as you are with Dwalin.” She set his crown upon the desk, “And then she just disappeared and you acted as if she had never existed.”

“I don’t know why she left,” Thorin answered honestly; he had been asking himself that very question for years. “But I didn’t want to dwell upon another loss. I’ve had enough of that in my life.”

“And what about now?” She prodded deeper and Thorin looked away evasively, “Would you hold that against her and make her feel a stranger in her own home?”

“I never meant to make her feel so,” He rubbed his forehead and leaned back in his chair, “Dis, I was just…surprised. I never thought to see her again.”

Dis nodded and let her brother sort his thoughts, waiting patiently as he closed his eyes. He could see Deidra behind his eyelids; her black hair as smooth as satin, her eyes darker than the night sky, and her features made ever more graceful by the passing of time. All those years ago when he had known her, he had not thought she could be any more beautiful but nature had proven him wrong.

“She’s it, isn’t she?” Dis spoke at last and the king opened his eyes, only then realizing that they had become teary, “The One. Your One.”

“But I am not hers,” He admitted and hung his head, “I knew it then and I know it now.”

“How?” Dis asked as she leaned forward, “Tell me, Thorin, how do you know that?”

“I…” He thought but could not put his reason into words, “I was just a smith. A disgraced king with no crown and…”

“And now?” Dis urged, “Thorin, you hated yourself then. You’d never let anyone love you and you would tell yourself anything to keep from doing so. What’s stopping you now?”

“I told you–”

“You lie to me and yourself,” Dis interjected gruffly, “You’ve got your crown, your throne, and your mountain. What are you so afraid of?”

Thorin clasped his lips together and kept his tears from falling with the sleeve of his overcoat, sniffing back all his doubts.

“You cannot give up before you’ve even tried,” Dis stood slowly, nearing the desk to lord over her brother, “Don’t deny yourself a chance, Thorin.” She crossed her arms and turned away, slowly walking to the door, stopping to look over her shoulder, “Deidra won’t be at the feast tonight. She’ll be hiding in her chambers. It’s a perfect opportunity.”

“How do you know?” Thorin leaned forward, gripping the arms of his chair.

“Because, she’s as terrified as you are, Brother,” Dis gave one last rueful smile before opening the door and slipping into the corridor, leaving Thorin to brood over her words and his own stormy emotions.

* * *

Deidra sat on the large four poster bed, looking down at a leather bound volume in her hands. The cover was open and she stared at the curly signature across the first page. It was her mother’s writing and she recalled how she had spoken of this very book. Taking a deep breath, she looked around the room and closed the cover without looking. _How was she ever going to live here?_

Lila had left her an hour ago for the feast, eager to see Fili who she had run into earlier along their tour. The sight of the two of them laughing and youthful recalled to Deidra memories she had avoided for years. She had hidden her discomfort and walked numbly through the corridors until eventually they wound back in their family chambers. Deidra claimed to be exhausted and Lila had left with little protest, the chambers darker without her effervescence.

A knock came at the door and caused Deidra to gasp. She had been so lost in self-pity and despair that the movement of her own shadow would have frightened her. She stood stiffly and carefully crossed the stone floor, entering the common chamber where the fire burned low. She tiptoed to the door and listened through the thick stone, hoping whoever it was would be on their way. Another knocked rattled her and she nearly swore as she stared at the carved runes. Slowly she reached for the handle and pulled it open.

“Deidra,” Thorin stood on the other side though he lacked his regal attire. His head was bear of crown and to her surprise, he wore tunic and pants much like he had when they had worked in the forge in Ered Luin, “You’re not at the feast?”

“Nor are you,” She returned, “Aren’t you king now?”

“Yes, and it means I make the rules,” He tried to kid but it fell flat, “I…wanted to speak with you, if you’re not unwell.”

“Age has made a hermit of me but I am healthy,” She assured him as she stepped back to let him through, “Whatever it is, you may as well say it tonight.”

She closed the door behind him and crossed to the fire to place another log in it before turning back to him. She rounded the short-legged table and sat upon the chaise as he neared hesitantly and sat beside her. He looked at her and gulped, glancing to the wall and then back to her. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and opened his mouth.

“Why did you leave?” He asked solemnly.

Deidra frowned and looked to the hearth, pulling forward the tail of her braid and toying with it. She stared at the curled end and finally willed herself to look into Thorin’s eyes. “You don’t remember?”

“No, you just disappeared,” He said and his brows knitted together, “No one knew where you went.”

“The night before, at the tavern,” She began and clutched her hands together; she had not thought of that night in a very long time, “You remember nothing?”

“I…was drunk,” He confessed guiltily, “Fool that I was then, I let ale ruin most nights.”

“Mmm,” She looked down at her whitened knuckles with a grim nod, “Well…that night, I told you that I loved you. I was young and stupid and a little drunk myself.”

“I truly don’t remember any of that,” Thorin appeared stunned as he stared back her searchingly, “You love me?”

“I thought I did,” She scoffed at herself, “And I knew, deep inside, that you’d never feel the same and you proved me right. You said you could never, that it could never work. That you only wanted the Mountain back,” She forced her hands apart, keeping herself from digging her nails into her own flesh, “I suppose it was better than another dwarrow but not truly. It still hurt.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Deidra,” He shook his head, “With drink in my stomach, I’ve never been very apt with words.” He pushed back his dark hair and sighed, “What I meant to say was that I couldn’t ever be worthy of you until I reclaimed the Mountain. Deidra, I was nothing more than a poor smith. I could never have dreamed of being with you. You were—are so much more.”

Deidra’s brows released all tension and rose as her mouth fell open at the king’s words. Her eyes twitched as if she were reading him like a book in another language and her dark eyes turned watery. “I thought–” She sputtered, clutching at her chest with one hand.

“Deidra, you’re my One, I knew it the moment I saw you,” He smiled painfully, “When you had your sword at the tip of my nose. There could never be another.”

“I’m old, Thorin,” Deidra dropped her shoulders and looked away, “And you’re king. You’ve already wasted too much time.”

“Old? Look at me, Deidra,” Thorin leaned forward and placed his hand atop hers, “My hair is greying and my eyes crinkle when I smile or frown. I find a new wrinkle every day, my muscles ache, and I feel the cold more deeply than ever.” He sidled closer to her and brought his other hand up to run along her thick braid admiringly, “You’re right, I’ve wasted a lot of time, I won’t waste anymore. Not alone.”

Slowly, Thorin leaned forward waiting for Deidra to pull away and assure his doubts, but she didn’t. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and her hand came up to cradle his cheek softly. All the years that had flown by seemed to melt away and Thorin felt like the young smith who had fawned after the dark-haired dwarrow and Deidra returned to the night she had confessed her feelings to him in that tavern. If only they had not been such cowards and run from fate for so long.


End file.
